Praying so hard

Longing to love, longing to hold.
Fighting back tears when someone
else shares their wonderful news.
My heart breaks in two everytime
I hear it, see it.
So many time I question, why not me
why not us? What did we do to deserve
this emptiness and heartache.
When will the day come for us when we
can be known as mommy and daddy.
Instead we get the looks of pity when
people ask if we have children and we
tell them we don't have them yet.
I hate the pity look about as much
as I hate the saying, it will happen
give it time.
Four years is time and throughout
these four years the ache in my
heart has not grown weaker
I see the pain in my husband's
eyes, when he sees a father playing
with his children, I see the longing
he has to be a father.
I wish I could snap my fingers and it
would happen.
I wish I could close my eyes and fast
forward to the time I know I am going
to have a baby.
I am left wondering, what if I hit fast
forward, and that time never comes, that
I forward to the end of my days, childless
I pray and I pray, do I ever pray.
I know God is in control, I believe in him
I know he hears every word I cry out to him
Maybe I should pray differently, Maybe I
should ask differenty, and it will happen.

Maybe just maybe

Random thoughts

I really, really tried to talk myself out of coming to work this morning,but here I am, counting down the time until 4:00. A night of restlessness, doesn't make for a very chipper person in the morning. Philip beat me up this morning, which is a miracle within itself, that never happens during the week. It took me a little while to get motivated. Between my all out war with exhaustion and these lovely heat waves, I am experiencing, I don't know what is going on. I took a nap yesterday, I do not do that, only because I am afraid if I do I won't sleep that night, well I had no problem going to sleep, it was the staying asleep part that was hard. Between getting up to tinkle, drink something, throw the covers off of me, pull the covers from under Philip to have any when I didn't feel like I was melting away, I felt like I got no sleep, which is why I am dragging today. BLAH BLAH BLAH is how I feel. This weekend was nice, Friday night me and Philip didn't do much, Saturday I cleaned and then we went and ate at Amerigo's, yummo, I loved it. Then we came home and we both took a 2 hour nap, when we woke up, I was craving ice cream. Off to Kroger we went, and believe me when I say this, it was so good, we got vanilla, chocolate, peanut butter and chocolate topping, and reese's pieces, I loved it, I know I already said it, but it's worth saying again. Yummy!!!! Sunday, of course we went to church, the sermon was great, Calvin talked about honoring the Sabbath Day, I know so many people who don't do this, I am one of them, instead of resting at least part of the day, I work at doing something, but yesterday I didn't, and it was nice. Which is why I probably took a nap, b/c I was too relaxed, but it was nice anyway. Well I know my life is not all that adventurous and pretty boring, but I love my life and all the simplicity that comes along with it. Have a good day everybody.

Jennifer

It's Thursday

Well it's Thursday, and I can not wait until this weekend, and I plan to enjoy the heck out of my weekend.

Philip is finished with softball, they came in 2nd in the championship game, they played in Pearl Day, and got eliminated in their first two games

Now that Philip and Nicole are through with ball, I can enjoy being home at night during the week and not having to rush. Michael is still playing select ball, but that's only on the weekends.

We are in countdown mode for our Atlanta trip, so ready for it. I hope we have a good time.

It's been so hot outside, that I have had to be more inside than I like, but I have caught up on some reading and my chores get done a lot quicker.

I am ready to be able to go walk again at the park, without having to go real early or late in the evening.

Me and the hubs are going to join a gym together, Philip said he really wanted us to do this together, so we are, I really hope I like it and stick with it.

Well Happy Almost Friday, have a good day everyone.

Jennifer

Yep it's Friday

Thank goodness it's Friday, this has been the longest, shortest work weeks I have ever experienced, and I do believe I am going to need all weekend to recover from this. I need a long vacation. Won't be happening anytime soon, so I will just deal. Philip and our church softball team played in the first tournament game for interleague, and they won, barely, but a win is a win. I saw my husband take a hit going to 1st base and then take a pretty nasty tumble, it scared me to death, I know he is tough, and Susan Cockroft said well you know human bones are 4 times stronger than concrete, I felt better, but I was still a little freaked out. He's good today, though. Sunday starts our VBS at church, I am so excited, but so stressed, between this, Philip playing next week, and other things going on, I am about to scream. Like I said I need a long vacation. The only thing close to a vacation we have coming up, is our trip to Atlanta, with Michael and Nicole, and I can not wait, especially since the Braves are red hot right now, let's hope they stay that way. Well I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Jenn