Praying so hard

Longing to love, longing to hold.
Fighting back tears when someone
else shares their wonderful news.
My heart breaks in two everytime
I hear it, see it.
So many time I question, why not me
why not us? What did we do to deserve
this emptiness and heartache.
When will the day come for us when we
can be known as mommy and daddy.
Instead we get the looks of pity when
people ask if we have children and we
tell them we don't have them yet.
I hate the pity look about as much
as I hate the saying, it will happen
give it time.
Four years is time and throughout
these four years the ache in my
heart has not grown weaker
I see the pain in my husband's
eyes, when he sees a father playing
with his children, I see the longing
he has to be a father.
I wish I could snap my fingers and it
would happen.
I wish I could close my eyes and fast
forward to the time I know I am going
to have a baby.
I am left wondering, what if I hit fast
forward, and that time never comes, that
I forward to the end of my days, childless
I pray and I pray, do I ever pray.
I know God is in control, I believe in him
I know he hears every word I cry out to him
Maybe I should pray differently, Maybe I
should ask differenty, and it will happen.

Maybe just maybe